The NXT Report: May 4th 2021
What can we expect tonight? No seriously. This is my first NXT recap.
So the last time I covered WWE programming was my Raw recap, The Raw & The Cooked. After thousands of readers and eight months of critical acclamations I’ve switched websites and am here to cover the animosity inside the Capital Wrestling Center.
Falls Count Anywhere Match: Leon Ruff vs. Isaiah “Swerve” Scott
Leon Ruff is tense and angry and after a back and forth of emotions it all comes to a head.
Swerve takes control immediately out of the gate and despite valiant efforts by Ruff it’s to no avail.
After a near fall on the ramp Scott continues to punish Leon like a cenobite from Hellraiser.
Ruff finally gets a counter but is swatted back down to earf.
-commercial break-
There is a commercial about Smile Direct and a young woman talks about her gap in her front teeth that was so big she could fit a straw between. Coincidentally the age gap between myself and whatever current girlfriend I have at the time reminds me that I’m a dirty old man.
We come back from break and Leon Ruff seems to have gained the upper hand. Ruff adds a crucifix bomb off the top rope but can only get a two-count in the pin.
A reverse hurricaranna(?) shows that these two men have no regard for their well being. Kinda like how I would treat my liver and libido on Sixth Street.
AJ Francis pops out of nowhere to toss Leon Ruff allowing Swerve to get the pinfall.
Oh my. A fast-paced and well versed psychological match left me saying, “oh shit!” A couple of times.
I give these magnificent bastards and their match a 4.6 out of five.
Asher Hale vs. Cameron Grimes
Cameron Grimes apparently has come into some money. He kinda looks like if Braun Strowman, Elias and the Monopoly Guy had a man-baby.
Hale dominates the early half of the match even getting a near fall.
But Grimes pulls out two finishers and pins Hale. I give it a 3.4 out of five.
Tag Team Match: Grizzled Young Veterans vs. Tommaso Ciampa and Timothy Thatcher
GYV have a small promo in the middle of the ring about webbed feet and crocs and how Floridians are defined by that.
These two teams start off with some technical grappling. But Ciampa and Thatcher gain the upper hand.
-commercial break-
We come back and Thatcher is in trouble. A double team attach by GYV leads to two straight near falls.
The momentum goes back and forth intertwined with chaos and disorder. Uppercuts, action outside the ring, it’s all good.
Thatcher, while the ref is distracted hits Gibson with Wade Barrett’s shoe and gets the arm bar locked in for a win.
I haven’t seen a more controversial shoe related incident since my old roommate got arrested for stealing women’s shoes.
I give it a 4.1 out of five.
Karrion Kross Promo
The NXT champ has something to say. He wants a fight and he wants Austin Theory. But Kyle O’Reilly interrupts more than likely to throw his Tom Landry hat into the championship picture.
Pete Dunn marches down the ramp to claim his spot to then be interrupted by Finn Balór.
Balór cheap shots Kross which leads to an all-out melee. Gargano and Theory jump in to double team the champ. Eventually double super-kicking him and Austin nailing him with the North American title.
Zayda Ramier vs. Sarray
I honestly didn’t watch this match. Internet went out. Welcome to the country, bitch.
Jake Atlas vs. LA Knight
LA Knight is an asshole and man that’s refreshing.
Immediately Atlas goes after Knight.
These two beefed up hosses tossed each other around with Knight getting the pin and win.
I give it a modest 3.2 out of five. Nothing spectacular but entertaining.
Legado del Fantasma Promo/Mercedes Martinez & Raquel González Split-Screen
Cruiserweight/Lucha promo fun! They want MSK for the Tag Titles.
These two ladies are snapping at each other and luckily for security they aren’t in the same room.
NXT Women’s Tag Team Championship Streetfight: Shotzi Blackheart & Ember Moon (c) vs. Candice LeRae & Indi Hartwell
Confession time: I’m actually involved with Shotzi. Please, please. No questions. Respect our privacy. We are just a vampire and a green haired horror goddess in a fully functioning relationship.
Anyways, time to put away biases and revert back to being a “journalist”.
There is a Cameron Grimes skit involving The Mutha Fuckin’ Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase! Everybody’s got a price! Hahahahahahahah!
The champs show up dressed as Freddy and Jason.
A street fight means everything is legal. Weapons, interference, gambling, prostitution, downloads music off lime wire. It’s everyone for themselves.
Blackheart and Moon dominate in the early going. LeRae makes some breathing room but the champs smash her with trash can lids.
Hartwell gets her team back in it taking out the champs. But she gets double teamed and the champs get sprayed with a fire extinguisher.
-commercial break-
The announce team said it would be a picture-in-picture commercial but it isn’t! Damn cable outlet.
We come back and the two keep going at each other.
Shotzi nails LeRae on a ladder as Moon spears Hartwell into a table.
LeRae and Hartwell springboard onto Shotzi but only for a two-count.
Indi and Blackheart make their way to the announce table. Shotzi leaps off a pillar onto Hartwell, who was on the announce table.
Alas LeRae hits the Wicked Stepsister on Shotzi to become the new tag champs.
I give it a 0.0 out of five because Shotzi lost. Screw the bias.
I gotta say overall its been entertaining. Way better than Raw.
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